FUCKING COOLBRANDS! Yeah? – October 2012

by everydayheartbreak

The question must be asked: Why have they been doing this? Surely their time would have been better spent doing something a little more worthwhile? Deciding which brands are cool (and which aren’t) is fucking pointless. There appears to be no reason for doing this other than self-congratulatory back slapping. It is all so fucking moronic and Carl Barat is involved (yeah that’s right he used to be in the Libertines).

In case you care what is cool and what isn’t here is the list for 2012 (plus explanations of what everything is):

1.Apple – ubiquitous communication devices for the unimaginative masses
2.YouTube – a place where you can watch videos of people falling over
3.Aston Martin – cars that Jeremy Clarkson likes (he wasnt on the Expert Committee)
4.Twitter – the most boring place in the entire internet
5.Google – a place to search for porn
6.BBC iPlayer – a place where you can catch up with ‘Young Dumb & Living off Mum’
7.Glastonbury – a small town in Somerset
8.Virgin Atlantic – some planes
9.Bang & Olufsen – audio equipment for dullard bellends with Aston Martins
10.Liberty – def: The state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one’s way of life
11.Sony – things
12.Bose – see B&O
13.Haagen-Dazs – its just ice cream really
14.Selfridges – a big shop
15.Ben & Jerry’s – more fucking ice cream (why the fuck is ice cream cool?!)
16.Mercedes-Benz – it gets you from A to B
17.Vogue – a song by Madonna
18.Skype – software which enables female users to fug themselves off in another country while their boyfriends tug themselves off
19.Nike – trainers made by orphans
20.Nikon – see Sony

Alexander McQueen has fallen out of the top 20, this might be becuse he hung himself. Being dead isn’t cool.

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