I’d Love to Work at Yo! Sushi – August 2012

by everydayheartbreak

So this afternoon i have been looking through some YO! Sushi HR gumpf and i came across the “Awesome Social Media Job Alert”. I’d imagine you’re probably interested to know the kind of person they were looking for to fill this position of head of social media or some such nonsense? Yes, of course you are…in short they were looking for an aching dick end devoid of anything resembling a personality… (I’ve added a few annotations in brackets)

Your Personality:

1) Your smartphone is surgically attached to your hand, (you dont experience the world anymore) ready to tweet a restaurant recommendation, check into a gig venue or Instagram a picture of your feet/lunch/cat at a moment’s notice. (You’re a cunt)

2) Stories in the paper are old news because you saw your friends share it on Facebook yesterday. And on the subject of friends – yours know that the best way to get hold of you is a cheeky Twitter DM. (Yep, you’re a cunt and so are your “friends”)

3) You’ve used social media to blag yourself a freebie or two in your time. Yes, you. (Tight cunt)

4) You’re inquisitive and like to learn about EVERYTHING (excpet important things like grace, humility etc.), clicking from link to link until you’re a font of all knowledge on all manner of things digital (basically you have ADD). You knew about Fenton/the iPhone 5/ Samantha Brick’s woes first. (None of these things are important you fucking CUNT)

5) You’re either a super smart grad, or have up to 2 years’ experience in social, digital, marketing, PR or a related field. However, we’d be equally impressed if you don’t work in communications but can demonstrate your passion for social media in another way. (You’re definately a massive CUNT)

6) You love YO! Sushi (NOBODY LOVES YO! SUSHI – ITS TECHNICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO LOVE YOU SUSHI) and have been trying to get your boyfriend/girlfriend/boss/grandmother through our doors to prove to them we do much more than sushi (WHAT AND WHY?!). Ideally, you are already a Twitter follower or Facebook fan, or a member of our YO! Love Club. You do katsu, of course. (EERM?! No you’re just a CUNT)