My Life in Book Form – August 2012

by everydayheartbreak

So the first part of my autobiography is to be called “Memoirs of a Tragic Masturbator” – we already know that. This afternoon I have decided on the second and final parts.

The second part, which will run from my mid-twenties to early 40’s is to be called “Just a Bit of Everyday Heartbreak” it will follow me as I move from one unsuitable crush to the next, it’ll be a bit like “High Fidelity” with less sex and more Bruce Springsteen references.

I am yet to decide whether there is to be a third part in between “Just a Bit…” and the final instalment which will be called “The Myth of Myself” (I feel there probably should be – I am hoping it will be about meeting and marrying the most incredible woman in the whole world and having children – but equally it might be about still being single in my fifties).

In the final part I will be looking back over my life – in it I will turn the most mediocre and tedious of experiences (as well as rehashing themes from the previous two) into something vaguely philosophical and transcendental, all shot through with the poignancy of times past. Lucky readers!